A
chapter OneWhile waiting for the bus, I looked around the rain to see a random cone... It had no perpouse on being there rather that it is a reminder of reality as my brain decides to remind me that I have rent to pay off by next week. As the rain poured more and more I could feel my body as it starts to stiffen like logs on the ground. My thoughts were starting to consume me, "Will I be able to pay my card on time, I don't have health insurance, I don't know what is going to happen to the stay cat that is living outside." I blinked and took a deep breath and nodded that I was going to be fine... I hope. I started to walk my way home, hoping there is an end of the tunnel. |
B
chapter TWOWhile waiting for the bus again, I staired at a bench that had a letter A on it. It was confusing because the only thing I could think of is that the A meant Anaheim for the city name. It was exhausting as my brain was falling into a deep sleep due to a lack of sleep. School, work, and reality crashing down on me like an unforgiving wave of agony. It was apparent that I would have to debate a professor on a new topic just because I cannot see their point of view which is exhausting. I feel like taking seven classes within this semester is equal to taking a full time winter or summer semester class. A lot of my professors are fine but there has to be that one professor that just has to fight over everything. It makes me question my sanity and why I should even be in a school. Feeling like the black sheep of the class makes me want to drop out of the class but can't due to one, being the only professor that teaches that class and two, being almost done with the semester for that class. I keep telling myself, "it is what it is." I hope things get better. |
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chapter ThreeWaiting for my next class, I thought about this semester as a whole. Did I learn something out of this entire experience? Yes, but I didn't make any friends... More like acquaintances as I only know them by name but do not hang out with them due to a lack of time. It gives me a sense of sadness on working on things in life. Like I like a lot of my classes because it makes me think for myself rather than just hearing an echo chamber of the same things all the time, but I still feel a disconnect from people since everyone is on their phones and not that many people want to hang out. It might be that Covid might have made people including myself more disconnected from person to person. The only thing I do now is go to two to three clubs at most and people are nice but its more on saying hello then going away to my next class. |
D
chapter FourAt home I would be waiting on coffee to energize me but it has the opposite effect half the time which I feel as though it cannot be trusted. I tend to be on my phone or making food before the coffee is ready to take. Making coffee for everyone in the family is what keeps me going these days. I feel as though I can only rely on family most of the times since I have friends that relied on me but once I try and reach out it as if I do not exsits. It sucks because I want to make new friends while also keeping my old friends in tact but I feel like every stip I go forward I traval a mile backwords. I feel as though everything is my fault which some of the time it is due to mistakes on my part... I feel as though it is too much for me to handle. |
E
chapter FiveGetting Ready for school as I look at my belt that I have used for seven years. I feel as though things shouldn't be thrown away until it is fully used or breaks. It might be due to trying to save my money for tuition and rent which takes up a lit to all my paycheck. I look back on seven years, back to my highschool where I had a whole group of friends but they leave one way or another. It mostly the fact that people change which isn't a bad thing. I like too look at this belt and then in a mirror to the fact that I changed a bit since highschool. For starters, I have muscle in places that I didn't know possible. I started going out a bit more in places. I felt like changing into something better each day will eventually lead me to a place I want to be at. |
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chapter SixLooking outside my home made me think about the changes within the city. How a lot of it has been changing both for the better and for the worse. A lot of the areas have been changing in development to create new appartments for people who want to move out which I like. The homelessness within the city getting worse and worse by month to month. Every day I would see more and more pile on due to housing costing an arm and a leg, along with healthcare. The city did make transportation a bit better by fixing bus schedules and times which is great. |
G
chapter SevenListening to music has changed a lot, from pirating, pandora, to spodify. I feel the change is depending on who you ask because it could be great to support someones favorite artists on spodify but it could have aided a company that might have been seen as corrupt. It gets to the thing that its better to hear music than nature as it might be some tweaker that is trying to get my attention to ask me for money that I don't have, only to then try to stab me. Basically music is one of the things that adds color to my life as I feel each year the color of the world slowly slipping away from life itself. |
H
chapter EightOrdering from Mcdonalds in the present day is very different from back in the 2000's. I remember the play place that half of the Mcdonalds use to have to now becomming a boring squar building which is a change of the corprate world that each adult has to face the reality of. It make sense since that the audience itself is more towards adults since the child population has decreased due to higher prices for living. As I pick up my order, I wondered if I should just stop eating Mcdonalds all together. It is one of the most unhealthy foods to consume. I am better off smoking fifty cigarettes and praying I don't get cancer than eating this kind of food daily. |
I
chapter NineI feel like this is a weird morning diet but just hear me out. I love to put avocado on toast and eggs to start my breakfast after the gym and the energy drink made of a green tea helps my body wake up and get hyped for the work out. I feel as though this is a healthier alternative than drinking 10 redbulls a day. It has a dashing design that is a staple for the brand. Honestly, drinking this drink made me want to try out the different flavors of this drink which is amazing than the other "healthy" alternatives as every single drink similar to this drink is always toxic. I don't mean that its poison but man does it taste expired. Every drink that is a knock off of celceus is two hundred percent always going to taste bad. I tried this drink made by Aid and it had smoke coming out of the can when I opened it and tasking like vomit when I barely drank it. No thank you. |
J
chapter TenWhile folding and hanging my laundry, I looked at the hanger. It has an interesting shape which is both good and bad. It is good when it hands for more tank top shirts but is very bad for the rest of my t-shirts. Every hook that comes with these types of hangers, I most likely end up with shirts with holes in them due to yanking my shirts to an extent of this. |
K
chapter elevenI went to grab my key's for work as I thought about the design of the landyard. It had a lot of crazy colors which I always loved landyards within that way but a lot of places that still host events like Disneyland or convention centers are starting to get of these design landyards and replacing them with plain black ones which I get it is to save up on cost but it removes the color and joy in life making the event a lot less colorful. |
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chapter TwelveDue to a lack of money, I had to resort to noodles which isn't the healthiest choice but it is something that has to be done due to not being able to pay my bills if. This has kept me alive for making just hot water which is amazing. It can make either tea or cup soup if I perfer. This kettle was made of plastic and had color which was weird since most kettles are all silver which is interesting that something that shouldn't be colorful has color. |
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chapter ThirteenGaming in my own home is the cheapest thing I could do. It was one of the things that got me through covid as it meant no more human connection until the pandemic was finished. It was one of the many things that helped me in life which is all the time because it would give a moment of stress releif. It felt like the only thing in this world left with color. Everything else felt like an episode of the fairly odd parents where the Pixies took over this world making everything gray. Want an example look at things for kids that use to be fun, every single building or playground taken away due to this fact. Like the 1990's ripped out of history. |
N
chapter FourteenI like to add color to this world by creating drawings with different mediums. It gives me a sense of relaxation when I do this for fun but doing this for money? It's similar to the feeling of someone behind you or something stalking you and looking at you. You can't tell what it is but you feel it in your gut. I always love seeing drawings of any kind, specially graffiti as it adds a whole bunch of color to California. |
O
chapter FifteenI Started to pack for work but the most important thing is the medicen that is this, Hygiene is everything to me due to the past of not taking a shower when I was a kid which was a discusting color toward me. People found out due to my mom not stopping and talking about to her coworks which would tell their kids which lead to bullying, pretty great right? Ever sence that time, Hygiene has been a constant. |
P
chapter SixteenGetting ready for the gym I would get ready by brushing my teeth which is another thing that would haunt me in the past since my parents took me to a dentist that was cheap and on the new but their practices of removing teeth were barbaric. Case in point I would not brush my teeth as a kid and they would half to yank it out. You'd think they would use medication to weeken the pain and tools to make it a smooth transition right? Nope, they used tools that you would see in a barbacue... There isn't any tools I can remember other than the stake fork they used to rip my teeth out. It was too painful with me and my siblings barely surving the pain of that expirense. My parents could have suied but chose not to due to unknown reasons. There was no proof other the fact that, they went out of business and the place changed into a library. |
Q
chapter SeventeenWhile working on this project, I notice a shape within my coffee which might have been a halutionation which wasn't good but it is something that has to be done in life. I feel as though my world has turned gray due to life just getting to hopeless with everything costing more in life. The coffee looking like a grayish milk to sweeten my life which wouldn't work as the pressure of my other class would have me focus on what I need to finish before it needs to be turn in. Caffene can only get me so far to the point where I would just try and do my projects while squating or doing jumping jacks to stay awake. |
R
chapter EighteenWhile waiting for the bus again, I had notice a flock of birds that flew above me which sounded like ducks. I guess they are leaving for the winter which is something that only exists for a week then changes to one of the other seasons as global warming has effected the planet in a way where the echosystem suffers. I look at the street that says savanna St which has changed for the worse as I see lots of homeless, tweakers, and drug dealers fester the street like it is a full operation of claiming the land for themselves and maybe they should. This country has took so much from them, even their color in their eyes have faded leaving a husk of unsimpathetic beings who might one day charge in and take over the land by force. |
S
chapter NineteenComing home I had to charge my phone at two percent. I took the cord that was on my bed to charge my phone which I think it is showing its age by not connecting to certain cords anymore. I ask myself if I should upgrade to the Iphone 16 since mine is a Iphone 14 but I feel as though it would be a waste of money as the company did nothing to add anything new within the apple brand. They did add color to their newist product which looks like a sock for your phone. Reminds of the Faneed that they sell in the Lorax movie. It has color but charges $200 for a sock. It is similar to what people are considering "art" which is just sand toppling over. |
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chapter TwentyWalking to the bus stop as I see birds that would land on the power lines which makes me curous on how they are able to withstand the electricity. My question gets answered when one of the birds lands on the highly electrical socket which the bird taps it to then become stiff and fall all the way to the floor. Like watching something in nature get eating by something bigger which is the dark reality of life. |
U
chapter TwentyoneWhile washing the dishes I started noticing these small creatues that would come out of the walls and ground. Roaches. We had roaches due to someone in the apartment complex bringing them over... There is a lot to the point where it is starting to devour our space and having this parasite infest our home. While finishing the dishes I killed one of them on the hook that is meant for coffee mugs. |
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chapter TwentytwoLeaving my wallet on my bed, I noticed how different my wallet is compared to other wallets. It is because that it is also a sketchbook which I found interesting. It helps with keeping drawings on my head and helping me when I am bored. Keeping the sense of wonder in my life which adds a little color to my life. |
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chapter TwentyThreeWhile packing for class tomorrow I had to charge my laptop, This laptop has stayed with me for so long to the point where I only use it for text books which is an amazing device already. Imagine having a really light backpack due to not having wait within the backpack. One of the changes within the current time that I actually like because who wants to carry more weight everywhere they go? Right because it is a struggole. |
X
chapter TwentyfourFixing my computer I noticed the table in which its new design has X's all over the table to support the weight of something heavy. It reminds me of me and my responsibilities in life. Each stem a different problem I have to deal with which supports my life. If I where to let go of one, the rest of the problems will come crashing down on me. |
Y
chapter TwentyFiveHeading to the gym with my hydroflask which I am always thankful that it has this little Y part that hooks on to everything. It allows me to hold this water bottle without slipping out of my hands. It did slip due to grabbing the water bottle the wrong way. This hydrofask is a way for me to show the things I like due to it having stickers on it. It adds a little color in my life in a colorless life. |
Z
chapter TwentysixWhile cleaning my bathroom and my calone. I notice I have different calone for different occasions. For instance I have one for work rather than one for going out and one for my everyday. |